I found myself stuck in traffic yesterday while I was heading home from work. The rain was hammering and I just sat there, staring out of the windscreen watching the workmen dig up the road.
When the traffic finally got moving, I drove home in a zombie state, parked my car and knocked on Dos’ flat.
“Oh…hello,” He said after opening the door.
I was soaked from the walk from my car to the building and raised my hand in a feeble wave. “Hi, can I please have my dongle thing back, seeing as I’ve got no broadband?”
“Yeah of course. Come in.”
I stood awkwardly in the doorway of his kitchen for a few moments. “Can I have a drink?”
“Sure, help yourself.”
I nodded and flicked the kettle on and just stared at it for a second before returning to stand awkwardly in the doorway again.
“Are you okay?” He asked, peering at me.
For a moment, I thought I was going to be brave but instead, my face crumpled into a cry and I shook my head.
“Jesus, what’s wrong?” He asked, pulling me into a hug.
He probably thought I was going to tell him I’d lost a family member. Instead I looked at him and said the words I thought I’d be able to avoid saying for another few weeks. “I got my first book rejection today.”
Listen folks, I didn’t plan on crying at all. I didn’t think in a million years it’d get picked up by the first bloody person I sent it to but there’s still something so…soul destroying about it. There will be many more of course, but seeing as I was a rejection virgin until I checked my emails at about 3:30pm yesterday, it was a big moment.
Anyway, I’ve decided the rejection is merely a sign that the race has well and truly begun. I’m not at the starting line anymore, I’m out there and, more importantly, my work is out there.
I ended up having a weird dream last night where the characters of my book were apologising to me for what they called ‘letting me down’ and then I was apologising to them for not doing them justice. Very bizarre indeed. Shows I care, I suppose.
So, I’m going to collect my rejections and publish them on here. Almost like a little collection. I won’t identify the agents but I think it’ll be strangely cathartic to share them with you all.
With that in mind, here’s the very first one.
Not even a bloody personal one.
Cheeky mares ;-)